I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can vaginas get frostbite?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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