Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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