I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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