Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
