i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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