....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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