I'm lost and stupid without you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
