If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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