and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize