For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
