that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
