Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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