Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
