I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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