Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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