I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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