The best revenge is premature balding
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
