He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
