Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you didnt know i had herpes?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
