Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
