Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
