TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
