i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize