So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
