I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
