I never want to see another naked old woman again.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
