he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My feet surprised me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
