She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
