Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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