I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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