i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
