I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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