My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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