ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
