Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
