just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
