So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
