So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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