I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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