me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?