I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
