I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
