I heard we made out
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
