I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
