Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
