his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
