I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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