the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We were destined to go to rehab together
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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