Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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