i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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