She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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