he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
