The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
