I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
