That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
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His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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