how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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