You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
