You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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