I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
