I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize