Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
