You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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