I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
