somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
