How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
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I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Someone came in the potted fern
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize