Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
