I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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