Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
