her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
