I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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