OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
