it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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