Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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