Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
